Not Dead, Just Resting

I have been reflecting on the past year recently and after a while realised that a lot has happened, both good and bad, that I think I should document.

This time last year I was in a bad place. I was on medication which probably wasn't being helped by the amount I was drinking at the time. Rather than go home at the end of the working day, I would retreat to the pub with some friends 'for one'. One became a couple, then three and then four five nights a week. At the end of October 2010 I knew something wasn't right. That is when the doctor upped my prescription of anti-depressants to 40mgs a day (which I am still on) and it is also the time I stopped drinking. A year later I don't miss it anymore and do in fact feel better for it.

I was also, for want of a better word, suicidal. Now this may seem a rash thing to say but in all honesty I did consider it several times. I even worked out how to do it. I didn't, at any point, make any move towards carrying it out. Things look hopeless at three in the morning when you can't sleep and your Dark Half is bludgeoning your self-esteem and sense of perspective.

I would like to state quite clearly that those thoughts are gone.

I have had counselling which was organised through my GP and I have found it really useful. I have been using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (Google it) and that has taught me a lot about dealing with my depression, anxiety and panic attacks. The good news is I still use the techniques I learnt to get me through the day and it gives me a more positive outlook on life.

Also, after several months of procrastinating (not unusual for me), in June I finally got something which has really made a difference to me, physically, mentally and financially. She is called Humbug and she is a little tabby cat from the RSPCA. She is very loving and affectionate and very good therapy. Got a bit stressed in August when she fractured her jaw but she bounced right back and is right as rain now. She has a trip to the vet next week for a final check up and to have the wire removed from her upper jaw which was helping her teeth straighten out.

I would be lying if I said there weren't the down days. I also know that there are still many things I have trouble even thinking about. I am, however, getting there.

I am going to post more frequently as well. I promise...