I don't know what happened yesterday.
I started back at work on Monday doing my regular full time hours and the day went fine. Yesterday however felt like a disaster. I woke up with feelings of insecurity and what could be best described as a fuzzy head. By 10.30am I'd had enough and booked the afternoon off as a half days annual leave.
I think the morning was made worse by two things. The first thing was a meeting about the cuts in library services which went on for an hour and consisted of basically being told that no-one really knows what is happening. That's guaranteed to make you feel better.
The other thing was everyone talking about Christmas like it was the happiest time of the year. Last weeks Christmas meal went badly as it seems like three of our party had some form of mild food poisoning, which added to the fact that I really didn't want to be there, added to the feelings of sheer despondency. I had to take Wednesday of work as I was vomiting and shitting all thorough Tuesday night. I spent the whole of the next day in bad, very unusual for me. By Thursday I was just fed of being ill all of the time.
I have decided not to bother with Christmas this year. I am going to my parents due to the fact of it being either I stay at home or go and stop with them. I can hardly say I'm looking forward to it but then what else do I do? I can't even drink because of the tablets I'm on. I have been completely dry for nearly six weeks now, which is something I am actually quite proud of. Every cloud they say...
I have also decided not to bother with cards and presents. I am just going to give a large sum of money to one or two charities. I really don't wan the stress and hassle of wandering the shops looking for a load of crap that people don't want and succumbing to the hell that is Christmas shopping. I am just not in the festive mood. All the tinsel, trees, merriment, happiness (most of it forced) is just doing my head in. If I could hide away somewhere until it is all over I would.
Bizarrely my day today just got better as one of my Happy Songs has just come on the radio. It always puts me in a much better frame of mind. Now I go to face the day.
Hang on buddy! Yesterday I sat through a staff meeting that was a litany of crap about PDRs and voluntary redundancy qualifying criteria, and some other shite about forms that we must now fill in every time we do something ( I forget what but it was probably every time we go for a piss) Anyway, by the end of it I was emotionally fit for nothing but to sit at my desk with my face in my hands. If I'd actually succumbed to what I was feeling I'd have ripped the office apart with my bare hands and screamed my vocal chords out.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you brother :)